There are some classics that define the glitz and glamour of a red-carpet movie premiere – the fashion, the celebrities, the photo ops. At The Friend launch, I saw one influencer get so excited she took a dump out the front of the cinema.
This influencer – immaculately dressed in a tutu and a big bow – was, of course, a tiny dog, because this was a special dog-friendly screening at The Sun Theatre in Melbourne, which has turned dog-friendly sessions of dog-themed films into a tradition.
In The Friend, a grief-stricken Naomi Watts reluctantly accepts custody of her late friend’s Great Dane – which meant that giant hounds were out in force on the red carpet (or piss-absorbing green astroturf). I heard one couple point out a presumably famous Great Dane and enviously comment on its haunch size.
I’d been invited to bring my own dog, an anxious rescue greyhound named Basil, but I can’t imagine an environment better designed to stress him out, so I brought my boyfriend instead. Unlike Basil, he is really calm, loves dogs, and is not negatively reactive when I put him on a lead, although that information should probably remain private.
Once inside the cinema there was a safety announcement, which not only included the location of the exit doors, but also a third exit for overstimulated dogs, a designated pissing area, and a full emergency poop clean-up strategy. I kept my nose primed for any accidents, but apart from the faint aroma of a pet shop, there were no nasty surprises.
Next to me was an excited Corgi named Biscuits who occasionally grunted, assumedly in appreciation of the cinematography. Behind us was a Labrador who sat bolt upright on the seat and watched the film with an intensity that made it clear it hadn’t ruined its attention span with smartphone games.
But it was still a cinema packed with dogs. When the Great Dane named Apollo appeared on screen, he was met with a cacophony of barking and howling. The closest thing I’ve ever experienced was when Harry Styles turned up in the post credits of a Marvel movie. Later, a scene in a dog park led to a kind of call and response of barking between the on-screen and audience dogs. It felt like a screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.
I thought this kind of behaviour would detract from the movie-watching experience. Only nights earlier, I’d sat in front of a woman at a screening of Superman who spent the entire film opening packets of things behind my head – I was so apoplectic, I worried my teeth would shatter. This isn’t unique for me: I once left a musical because the lady next to me was breathing weirdly.
But when one of the dogs behind me whined in excitement, or the barking set off, or when one dog got startled by a car in the film and growled, I just didn’t mind. In fact, I found myself chuckling fondly when the entire cinema began barking at a guy who had to go to the toilet midway through the film. Unlike human chewing, leg spreading or looking at one’s phone during a performance, there was no breaching of cinema etiquette. Dogs simply have no capacity to be rude.
If you hate people but love dogs, I highly recommend only going to dog-friendly movie sessions. However, be warned: there is something a little creepy about being the only people attending without dogs, kinda like a childless adult going to a school play. Plus, they give out gift bags after the film, and it would be disappointing to go home with a bag full of bone broth and liver treats if you don’t have a dog to feed them to.
By Patrick Lenton
Patrick Lenton is a writer and author living in Melbourne. His novel In Spite of You is out now.
Published in ed#742
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